All last week I thought about April 16th at Virginia Tech; many thoughts raced across my mind. I think about sitting in class when I first saw the officers with rifles drawn running through the quad. I think about various text messages I got asking where I was and had no idea what was going on. I think about covering the windows, barricading the doors, and lying on the floor. I see the tears coming down people’s faces. I see fear breaking down usually pleasant countenances. I see hugs filled with uncertainty. Two years later, I see the need for God’s continued healing on our campus. Virginia Tech’s campus was shaken as a gunman went on a rampage. Starting as a domestic issue in a dorm and escalating into “taking out the world that was against him”, 33 people lost their lives during this horrific tragedy. So many questions race across my mind. Why here? Why now? Why these people? God, where were you? How can you see God in the midst of tragedy? What do you say to people needing comfort when you need comfort yourself? How do you respond to the accusation of an idle God when you have no initial indication of His whereabouts at the time?
As a youth leaders in Boston we deal with a lot of primary and even secondary trauma. Last week one of my youth explained to me that on March 29th her best friend was shot and killed right down the street from where she was sleeping. She held back, attempting to “keep it real” and “go hard” due to the regular occurrence of people losing their lives. However, this time it hit home; inside she was crumbling. Tears came to her eyes as she shared memories of him and went on, in anger, expressing the need to stop this senseless violence. She then proceeded to ask me some of the same questions that I asked myself on April 16, 2007. We as youth workers face difficult situations all the time and the effect us in different ways. It is imperative that we find a technique to help us deal with, life. We, here at neXus, would love for you to share some of the ways you tend to handle these type of situations. What do you do? How do process your thoughts/emotions? What self-care methods do you use?
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As a student who was there during the tragedy, I understand and relate to EVERYTHING that you have said. How do we deal with such tragedy, I think everyone has to make a CHOICE every day as they deal with their pain and with their grief. One has to make the choice to acknowledge and deal their grief. If I choose to feel angry and admit that I still need work on forgiving the shooter, that is something I need to acknowledge and deal with. Other days I may realize that i feel compassion and mercy for him, that is something I must face and accept.
But I must reiterate what my assistant Pastor just shared with us this past Sunday, Joshua 1:9. The Lord has commanded us to be of good courage. What is courage? "It is the state or quality of mind or spirit that enables one to face danger, fear, or vicissitudes with self-possession, confidence, and resolution; bravery." In the Amplified Bible, it states that we are to be STRONG, which means that we are not easily captured or defeated." Though it may seem hard to face every day dealing with the pain and wanting to throw in the towel, one must remember that we are all STRONG and COURAGEOUS people, but we have to be willing make that decision.
There are different methods I take to deal with my grief and to make that conscious choice to be strong. Sometimes, I need to take a time of solitude to remind encourage myself. Other times, I put on praise and worship music. Lastly, I may just need to be around people that I love and care for deeply. They understand that I don't really want to talk but to be in their presence. I think its important that people have that special person or special group of people who understands you and know how to reach you in times of hurt. These methods have helped me through ALOT of times especially April 16th.
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